dimpysgota's Blog

This  is quite difficult and very embarrassing to realize .

I always feel quite lonely in social set ups.
Being the only child to my parents, I always feared being left alone .
Thus never wanted to be on the mercy of others and hence practiced to stay alone.

Recently on facebook, I came across a very close friend of mine who had become  my friend 50 years back.he was the first friend in life from the first school I joined . He was an intimate friend of mine from 1961 to 1972.Then he simply faded from my life.Although we both stayed in the same city till 1986, we did not contact each other till the previous month.

I have analysed that during each phase of my life, the friends kept on changing.No friends were common in concurrent phases.Intimate friends just kept on fading from my horizon.I really wonder what was wrong in me ? Whether I was so  selfish that after each phase , I simply dumped those buddies ? Never had any fights or arguments or misunderstanding with them.
And yet, the friends did not last long. What could be the reason ?

The irony is that I never had dirth of friends.Each company I joined ,I made couple of good friends.When I left that company I also left them behind. Each town I stayed, I had good companions who helped me around the new town but when I had to leave that city,  contact with those friends also ceased.

The thing is that till my marriage I  had plenty of good friends but subsequently these friends got discontinued.In fact after marriage I was unable to make intimate friends.Reasons are unknown.Certainly, I made friends but these were not very deep rooted relationships.

My main regret is that friends did not accumulate with respect to time. 

Can some one kindly corroborate with this ? 

I really need a deeper insight into this phenomenon.